she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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