Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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