So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
