I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
