also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
