I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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