I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
