do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
