You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
