Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
