No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
