Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
