Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
