I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
