Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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