now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize