It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are we still banned from the library?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
