Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
