Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
