sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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