This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize