Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
