listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
