i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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