He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
