Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize