you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
