you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
