why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
