i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
