hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
