my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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