Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
