I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
