....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
