She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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