In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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