physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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