i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize