just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have already put on my inside pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
