i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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