I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
