Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
