you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
