I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
