I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
