omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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