About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
