no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
