News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
