Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize