Just took my morning after pill in the library
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
