I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
