i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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