I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize