I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
