yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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