I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
