Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
