Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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