I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
