My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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