Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
