I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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