I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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