Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
