who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
