whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
