I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
