There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
