If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
