Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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