i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
